A Christmas Gift
by Akira Sasaki
Summary: Series of poetry. Shizuru and Natsuki pairing oriented. Angst.
1. Hello

_**"Hello."**_

As I walk, I think of you.

Every thought I make incorporates some part of you in it.

I stare of into the distance,  
often hoping to see you appear.

When you do,  
I get a little bit awkward.

Don't know whether to smile and say something pleasant,  
or walk up to greet you.

In the end, I will only watch.

Watch as you walk on,  
walk on,  
and walk on.


	2. Worries

_**Worries.**_

I have many worries.

Most of them include you.

Every night, I will hear pleasant and secure words said to me.  
My worries calm and I relax.

But as I fall into bed,  
I think to myself.

She won't be there for me forever.

That is why…

I learn to cherish each moment.

But ultimately,  
I wish.


	3. Love

**Love.**

What is love?

I don't think you have ever fallen in love before.

I hadn't either.  
Well, not until now.

My heart beats a little faster,  
my emotions seem to not listen to me,  
and metaphorically,  
my heart swells a little bit,  
and I get a little more frustrated with myself each and every day.

The feeling of euphoria that spreads into your mind and body,  
knowing you cannot help but think of that person all day long,  
and want to be there for them…

whenever, wherever.


	4. Ceiling

_Laying on my Bed… with butterflies._

I am on my bed, looking up at the bright white **ceiling**.

As my stomach twists into nearly painful knots,  
and my heart tightens with an emotion so powerful…

All the while, I listen to "Love is Not All Around".

I chuckle at the name of the song.  
It's quite ironic, actually.

Well, let's see now.  
What do I see as I stare off into space…?

Oh, I know.

You.


	5. Unsure

Cold, lonely, raining, and homeless,  
I called you.

You could not hear the uneasiness in my voice,  
nor could you feel the sorrow and guilt deep within my heart.

I did not judge you.

But when I called again,  
deciding not to trouble you so much,  
you did not ask why.

You did not ask.

You did not even bother to question again.

Did not even bother to confirm my decision.

I wanted to ask…  
did I pick the right person?

Or am I …  
**wrong**?


	6. Afraid

_You_

I spent countless days talking to you,  
often afraid my life would barge in and disrupt my time with you.

I felt as if you opened up much more in silence.

That was to be expected.

But for some unspeakable reason,  
I often felt that you were afraid of me.

**Afraid** of my love.

Afraid of what I would bring you.

Not joy,  
but deep regrets.


	7. Why?

Really, I just want to ask.

Why are these even called poems,  
if they are just really letters I don't want to send**?**

I want to tell you how I feel about you.

But I'm also afraid.

I don't want you to be scared.  
Or afraid.


	8. Sad

Sometimes I look at you.

Then I wonder why I liked you.

But you know,

Love is blind.

It's quite true.

**Sadly**.


	9. I am

I do not exactly know if this is love anymore.

I search things up online.

**I** like you.

I admire you.

I wish to hold hands with you.

You are important to me…

However, could I really be in love?

Not only the fact do I have to face I am attracted to girls,  
which I really had no problem with,  
but the truth of it all weighs down.


	10. Frightened

I'm **frightened **that you'll leave me.


	11. I love

Every day,

I am afraid that my love is not reciprocated.

Man. Falling in love is so difficult.  
Haha…

Sigh.

Love… Love… Love…

I only know this.

**I love...**


	12. Sigh

Weights should have been lifted off my shoulders.

They weren't.

Not even when you sent it.

I whisper my love into your ears.

I get embarrassed and cute smiles.

**Sigh**.

What am I to do with you.


	13. Burdened

I am not sending these to you.

I don't want you to be **burdened**.

You really don't want to read these.

I love...

Now I know why they say it hurts.

I just want to hear the words said back to me…  
and more reassurance…

But these letters and words will never reach you.  
… However… Will my heart reach you?


	14. Perhaps

**Perhaps** I'm just like that.


	15. You

Hello.

I'm not very good at expressing myself in real life.

Lately, I've summed up enough courage to say things I would have never said to you.

As you might know, there's a saying that says, "At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet." It's kinda true… haha.

Well…  
**"I love you."**


End file.
